Shame On Me

A while back one of my cousins, whose name I won't mention(but it rhymes with Schmyson), told me that he liked my blog because it wasn't like most blogs he read. He said that most blogs just talked about how great people's spouses and children and lives were. He liked that my blog talked about other things. I then proceeded to post a week's worth of posts about how great my wife is. I'm hoping that this post will gain back some of his respect and maybe get him to like my blog again. So Schmyson, this one's for you.

Some of you may remember Sara's week long birthday celebration extravaganza. It turns out that Kentucky Fried Chicken decided to get involved with the festivities and gave out a free piece of their new grilled chicken on her birthday. All you had to do was mention her birthday, or not mention her birthday, and ask for free chicken. Due to Sara's birthday luck, there was a Kentucky Fried Chicken next door to the McDonald's that we took the kids to after Disneyland. I walked right in and was immediately served a piece of chicken. My official review of the chicken is that it was free and it didn't make me sick. So, it wasn't too bad. Given the chance, I would have eaten it again for free. The Colonel must have known about my review, because it wasn't long before they were offering more free food.

This time they were offering a free meal. I discovered this from the highly recommended Slickdeals website. Apparently the queen of the universe, Oprah, was somehow involved with offering two pieces of chicken, two sides and a biscuit. You were allowed to print out 4 coupons and my understanding was that all you had to do was bring the coupons to your local franchise between May 5th and May 19th. I printed out the coupons and at some point we loaded up the family for a free dinner.

You can imagine my dismay when we saw a sign on the door stating that due to the overwhelming demand, they would not be honoring the coupon. Instead, they would take our coupons along with our mailing address and send us new coupons that include a free drink. The manager was very polite and I could tell that his hands were tied by the higher-ups, so I didn't make a big fuss at the time. I blame myself for being tricked into thinking that Oprah would offer free food to anybody. I wonder who the genius was that came up with this promotion. Did they think that only a few people would want a free meal? Were they not familiar with Oprah and her gazillions of followers? And does anyone else think there was something wrong with the fact that I could have gotten the meals if I had paid for them, but they were claiming not to be able to meet the demand? It has been over a week since we turned over our coupons to receive other coupons and my mailbox doth not runneth over with the new coupons. KFC? More like KFU! (Kentucky Fairly Uncool. Keep your mind out of the gutter). I'm contemplating adding them to my boycott list, along with Oprah.

Which brings me to my next topic. Many have been asking about my boycott list. It isn't nearly as long as you may think. Here is the list and the reasons for the boycotts:
#1 Denny's
I used to frequent Denny's early mornings before we went out on fishing trips. It was cheap and one of the only places open at that hour. The food wasn't the greatest, but it was enough to keep you from ralphing on the boat. After a late night of dancing a group of us headed into a Denny's. It was after midnight and we were a fairly large group. We waited at the entrance to be seated. We waited, and waited, and waited and waited. The employees were glancing in our direction, but they were ignoring us. We finally decided to seat ourselves. And then we waited, and waited, and waited. After being ignored we eventually got up and left. I have never set foot in a Denny's again, and there is nothing that will convince me to go there again.
#2 Carl's Jr.
This boycott causes the most strife in our marriage. Sara is definitely not on board with this one. I like Carl's food. I really like their fried zucchini and their western bacon cheeseburger. However, I have always felt that they were overpriced. Then they started coming out with advertising that rubbed me the wrong way. I think it was around the time of the 6 dollar burger. Initially the advertising ploy was that you had to pay $6 for that kind of a burger in a sit down restaurant. I think at the time they were charging around $4 for their burger. What they weren't talking about was the fact that you usually got fries and a drink with your burger at the sit down restaurant. And now I think the $6 burger is around $6. And then the ad's just kept getting worse. They would portray men as idiots. There was one where a guy was putting a whole avocado in a blender thinking guacamole would be the end result. There was the one with the guy staring at the bread aisle in the super market and not knowing which loaf to buy. There was the one with the guys paying $20 to the guy who picked up burgers for lunch. And the list goes on and on. If they think they are going to entice me to spend a ton of cash on their food by calling me an idiot, then they have another thing coming. So, I added them to my boycott list. There may be a time in the future where I lift my boycott, but I doubt it.
#3 Magic Mountain
A long time ago I posted in a former blog about a bad experience I had at Magic Mountain. Here is what I wrote:

I previously blogged about my possible boycott of Magic Mountain and setting a deadline of July 21st to receive some sort of response to a letter that I sent. Well, the deadline has passed and I am officially boycotting Magic Mountain. The following is the letter that I wrote describing my displeasure with our experience. As a side note, there was neither an email address nor a phone number to contact them with. I had to send a letter via the postal service. So, it could in fact still be in route to Magic Mountain. Without further delay:

Dear Sir or Madam:

My name is Joshua Kelley. I am an adult leader for a youth group from our church that attended your park yesterday. Our group, including adults, consisted of twenty-one people. This letter is to express our displeasure with our overall stay.

After paying the raised rate of $15 to park, we bought our tickets and entered the park. The youth wanted to make sure they rode Tatsu, so we headed there first. After waiting in a line, with no shade or pipes that spray mist to keep cool, for over two and a half hours the ride stopped functioning and we were told that they had no idea when it would reopen. That seemed to be typical of how the day went. We expected to have long waits due to it being a Saturday, but we did not expect to have lines equipped with pipes to spray mist not to be functioning. We also did not expect to wait in long lines only to have rides continue to break down. At one point a whole corner of the park had rides not working. Due to the power outage, we were also unable to ride Batman, Scream, or Colossus. In all we were only able to experience the following: Ninja, Viper, Riddlers Revenge, Déjà vu, Goliath, Buccaneer, and the Batman Stunt Show.

The youth were happy with going on those rides, but were disappointed with not being able to ride some of the newer rides due to malfunctions. As their leader, I was more dissatisfied with the measures that were taken to help deal with the extreme heat. We made sure everyone was using sunscreen, but keeping the kids hydrated during the long waits was a major concern. Drinking fountains seemed to be scarce and the bathrooms weren't even air-conditioned.

This experience will be considered when we plan future trips for the youth. Hopefully this letter will help you identify ways to improve your park for future visitors.

Thank you for your time.

I never received a response back from them, and added them to the boycott list. I have been to Magic Mountain one time since I initiated the boycott. It was for my brother's birthday and as a gift to him I lifted the boycott. This is probably the most likely of my boycotts to be lifted some day. I really like the rides there, and get free tickets every so often at work.

#4 IKEA

Ever since they started portraying same-sex couples as traditional families in their advertising, I have been done entering in their store. Plus, the stuff we had bought from there in the past was pretty crappy anyway. So, they are on the list as well.

That is pretty much it. Along with KFC there are a few other companies that are very close to being added to the list. If Verizon's cell phone coverage wasn't so good, their customer service would get them on this list. I think Mike has mentioned adding Pizza Hut to my list. I don't go to Wendy's much anymore because they constantly forgot to put my whole order in the bag. They are probably only one or two mistakes away. If you have something that you are boycotting and would like for me to join your cause, let me know. I'm sure with our boycotts we will make some major impacts on these terrible companies.

More ketchup please

One of the worst musical performances I have ever witnessed was by a band called The Goat. At one point during their set the lead singer felt it necessary to tell us that he had spent some time in Arizona, and then said, "A to the Z!" It was so inspirational that I decided to load the family up in the in-laws car and head to Arizona to check it out. The kids didn't mind the drive, thanks to the DVD marathon that occurred.


While in Arizona, the men in the house decided to take a trip to Cabela's. I had not been to Cabela's before, but I highly recommend it to anyone else who hasn't.

Geronimo came along for the trip. He liked this car more for the gecko on it than the actual car.

The store was huge and there were lots of displays. Geronimo found his own cave.

After seeing Night at the Museum I realize that these animals were just playing possum (see what I did there?).

Geronimo thinks that anything made out of bones is a pirate, so he was stoked about the pirate dinosaur bird.

It was an awesome experience for Geronimo, because there was stuff everywhere.

I wonder how long they could keep a fence like this at the zoo.

This was one of my favorite parts. You'll notice the frozen moose behind Jackson.

When you take a closer look at the water the moose is standing in you'll notice a ton of fish.

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that was awesome.

Nice beaver!

Head on! Apply directly to the forehead. Head on! Apply directly to the forehead. Head on! Apply directly to the forehead.

This is what happens to jackalopes.

They also had a shooting gallery there. Geronimo likes shooting at things.

He was surprisingly accurate. Surprisingly, because he was hitting targets that he wasn't aiming at.

Grandpa made the trip as well.

I don't know how they get the animals into poses like this, but if I don't stick around much longer I would like to be positioned in this pose and be placed at Sara's front door to deter potential suitors.

They had an animatronic version of Mike telling camping stories. I wonder if we could bring him along on our next vacation.

This is a pretty horny bunch. I don't have photos to help document the tragedy that occurred while we were there, but I will tell you what happened. They had a couple of large aquariums with a lot of fish in them. There were quite a few endangered species in there. Nobody warned me before I walked in to the aquarium. Most people already know that fish naturally want to be caught by me. The next thing I know the fish had broken the glass and were vigorously trying to jump in my pockets. I can't help it, fish just want me to catch them.

As awesome as Cabela's was, it still wasnt' the highlight of the trip. That honor goes to our niece Hannah's baptism.

It was a good experience to get Skyler prepared for her upcoming baptism (June 20th). Madison is sporting her crazy eyes for this shot.

It was a wonderful experience and the kids really had a good time.

We loaded the car back up and headed home to sunny California.

On the drive home I snapped this shot. I need to know if there is a profession that requires you to be able to fall asleep in random positions. Because if there is, Sara would be perfect for this. Seriously, how can somebody sleep like that? Growing up with Mike, I thought that maybe I would see him fall asleep standing up. I'm positive that I will see the day that Sara falls asleep standing up. Unless, of course, I am already standing at her front door fending off other dudes with my snarling teeth.

THE END

Ketchup

By far, Mid-March to Mid-April is the busiest month of my year. I don't do much else besides work. However, the little free time that I do have gets taken up with T-ball and church and other responsibilities. It doesn't help matters that somebody thought it was a good idea to have the Mr. Sasquatch competition during that time as well. April 16th is one of my most favorite days of the year. It could easily be the least productive day in the accounting industry. It is kind of pointless to go into the office, so most of us don't. I think it is the equivalent of the first day of summer vacation from school. Unfortunately, I don't get to take 3 months off from work. However, I was able to take a mini-vacation with my family. First, we headed off to The Aquarium of The Pacific.I realize that I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I don't think that hanging a giant whale from a few wires in earthquake country would be a great idea. However, I think the pacificonians must have realized the awesome potential of an injury story:
"Hey, what happened to you?"
"I was in Long Beach during the big earthquake and a giant whale fell on me and broke my leg."
"If you don't want to tell me, then just say so. You don't have to make some story up."

Scuba Steve was talking to the visitors about how great fish are.

The Get Along Gang.

We found Nemo pretty easily. Waldo, however proved to be too elusive.

I wonder if they think cheese means to do a fake smile?

Bodie was stoked about being able to tap on the glass.

The girls put themselves at risk while posing for this picture. We were inside of a giant net with a lot of birds.I'm pretty sure that the scientific name for these are Kamakaze birds, because they would try and fly as fast as they could as close to your head as possible. I'm just glad that they didn't get scared during the whole process.

My favorite part of the trip was seeing the kids touch the fish. There were a couple of tanks with different kinds in them. Skyler was finally brave enough to touch a ray.

Then Geronimo and I got into the act. If you have never felt a ray before, it feels like a ray.

Then Geronimo got super awesome and felt up the big shark.

We stopped by this restaurant on the way out. We thought about eating here, but by the time they got done telling us how many ways they could make shrimp it was too late.

The Long Beach Grand Prix was going on that weekend, which made getting to the Aquarium delightful. It was my first time going and it turned out to be a fun trip. That was just the first day of our mini-vacation. Tune in next time for our trip out of state.

Happy Mother's Day!

I find it interesting that the entire month of May is Borderline Personality Disorder Month, May 25th begins the Week of Solidarity with the Peoples of the Non-Self-Governing Territories and May 15th is Nylon Stockings Day. Yet, we only dedicate one day of the year to honoring mothers. The women who spend 3/4 of a year with another human being growing inside of them. The women who allow little one's to attach themselves to their bodies to obtain the nutrients they need, (and often at times and places that they really don't feel comfortable with). And then they clean up those nutrients after they are done going through the kid, even with the unpleasant look and smell that accompanies it. They comfort their children when they injure themselves doing something that they were told not to do in the first place. Don't they deserve more than one day? I think so, but that would probably go against Hallmark's business plan.

Obviously, when we think of Mother's Day one woman immediately comes to mind. A woman who has gone above and beyond what we would expect from a mother. Someone who has made her children her life. Someone who has to play the role of father and mother. Someone who has to overcome adversity every day to make a difference for each of her children. Of course I am talking about

Nadya Suleman
Happy Mother's Day!

But seriously, I would like to say thanks to my mother. I honestly don't know how she has made it this far.

She has had the lovely pleasure of raising 4 boys. I don't doubt that she probably was hoping for a girl at some point in time, (and she almost got one toward the end). But instead of teaching a girl how to put on makeup and having tea parties she got us. A couple of stories come to mind when I wonder how she has survived. I'll bet that after having such a perfect son to start things off, she and Mike thought things were going to be pretty easy. However, that wasn't the case. I recall one of my brothers, whose name I won't reveal (but it rhymes with Snedidiah) thought it would be a good idea to jump from a bunk bed into a bean bag chair that had a very sharp knife in it. That resulted in him having a scar that wraps around one ear and winds itself to the back of his head. Of course this happened at someone else's house while Mike was off at work. And she also had the pleasure of walking toward the screams she heard on the side of our house. The source of the screams were Kyle and a friend who had been tied up to boards and leaned upside down against the side of the house and abandoned there by Kyle's older brothers.There are plenty of other stories that could be told. But she has persevered through the constant punching, yelling and mooning. She has been introduced to Mr. Dance, Franchesca Capuchi, G.I. Joe George, and many others along the way. She has had to say the phrases, "Stop taking your eye out", "We don't use that word in this house", "Put some pants on", "Stop writing on your brother's face" and "He really went potty on your homework?"I don't know how she has done it, but she has. And I am grateful for that. I think out of sympathy she has been given plenty of grand daughters.

And of course there is Sara, the mother of our children. She has a special bond with our kids. I play the role of disciplinarian and she does the rest. She knows what they need and when they need it. They always go to her first. They never walk around the house while I am gone and shout, "Mama" over and over again, but they do for her. The kids love her and I think she is pretty o.k. too. This is what happens when she is gone for an hour or two: I can't even imagine what we would do without her around. Hopefully all the mothers enjoy their big day, but especially Nadya.