Confirmed!

Fear Factor

Today I faced my second greatest fear. I went to the dentist. There is only one thing I like about the dentist, the potential to have a needle stuck in me. For some reason I really enjoy needles. Other than that, I could do without the scraping and poking and drilling. It really kills all of your senses. I don't like the smell, taste, sound, sight or feeling of the dentist. And it doesn't matter how much you brush and floss, you are still going to get the royal treatment there. It's not like anybody has ever sat down in that chair and had the hygienist say, "Everything looks perfect! It looks so good that I don't have to scrape anything. I'm going to take an early lunch now. Thank you." And no matter what, I end up with chapped lips as a result. They have a tool to suck out all the liquid from your mouth. And they yank your lips like they are in some sort of cartoon. Needless to say, I am not a big fan of going to the dentist.

To add insult to injury my wife works at the dental office(and decided to take pictures). It was one of those ohbytheways. You know, the things that get mentioned after you have already fallen in love. Like, "Oh by the way, I have an extra toe and webbed feet." It's too late to abandon the human duck, you have already fallen in love. So it was with Mrs. Mustachio. I don't remember exactly how she broke the news to me that she worked for a dentist, but I do remember wondering what other horrible secrets she was keeping from me. How could she keep such vital information from me until after I fell in love? So, now I end up at the dentist at least twice a year.

I seem to be straying from my main point (I also feel the need to state that my wife has the correct number of toes and, as far as I know, no webs. I could start talking about my foot phobia, but will spare myself the thought). As I was sitting in the chair, squeezing my hands until they went numb, my mind started to wander. I now have a new dentist theory. I believe that ventriloquism was invented because of a dentist. Everybody's dentist tries to carry on a conversation with you as they are sticking their hands and tools in your mouth. How can you even respond? I think they just strike up conversation to drown out the elevator music that gets pumped into the room. So one day I'm guessing that some dude with no friends and a desire to have a conversation with another human being figured out a way to talk without moving their mouth. Then they wouldn't brush their teeth and they would schedule dental appointments every month. Still in need of some sort of interaction, they made a dummy and carried on conversations with it until their next appointment. I've done absolutely no research on this theory, but based on my past theories I'm pretty confident in my correctness. So, thanks a lot dentists. Now I have another reason to dislike you.

Electric Boogaloo!

When I was a youngster my grandparents agreed to take us to the drive-in to watch Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo. I may be completely wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure they weren't a part of the whole break dancing craze back in the 80's. I didn't realize it at the time, but it seems like sometimes you watch movies you could care less about for the benefit of your youngsters. I have gotten used to doing this for the wife(However, the only Twilight movie I'll watch with her has to have Zone attached to it), but now it looks like that will be the case with the kids as well. Thus was the scene with Skyler today. She has been asking to go see Paul Blart Mall Cop for weeks. So, I bit the bullet and took her to see it on opening day. I don't exactly know why she wanted to see it so badly, but think it has something to do with her uncle Jed. Paul Blart(a.k.a. Kevin James) and Jed seem to have some similar qualities and I think subconsciously it has caused Skyler to want to see the movie.

Here is my review of the experience: I didn't see him with my own eyes, but apparently Kevin James was in the crowd. Why else would the audience clap at the beginning and end of the movie? Were they applauding for the guy making the movie fit on the screen? I'll never understand that. There were a couple of scenes where I almost chuckled. Other than that, it was probably as good for me as Electric Boogaloo was for my grandparents. However, Skyler liked it so much that she proclaimed we would buy it when it comes out on DVD.

Staying with the visual media theme, I got home from basketball around 12:30 this morning and hopped into bed a smidgin before 1. I fired up the Tivo and started to watch The Office. The wife rolled over and asked if I had watched My Name is Earl yet. After telling her no she suggested that I watch it first. So I switched to Earl and my love for my wife immediately increased. This is what I saw:


I know that this is just a fake game show, but who wouldn't want to see this actually happen? Terrorists, that's who. The show did leave me with mixed emotions, as it ended with the words "To be continued." I know I will get to see more Ponch, but I'll have to wait a whole week. On a final note, I watched The Office afterward and thoroughly enjoyed it. I especially liked the part where Dwight gets pinned against the fence by a car. I can't imagine anyone doing something like that in real life. Can you, Jed?

We Wasted the Good Surprise on You!

Is it just me, or have commercials been getting worse? I wonder if they think that we are going to skip over them from the DVR anyway, so why bother with good ones. There has been a recent theme in commercials that has grown to irritate me. I present one example of this below:

I have a long running boycott imposed on Carl's Jr., so that may have been a factor in my dislike of this commercial. However, nothing about this commercial rings true. "I'd pay $14 any day for this burger." Really? Then you would be a terrible contestant on The Price is Right. How many people are really willing to pay $14 for a burger by itself? And did he actually pump his fist in the air at the end? Nothing about that situation would require you to get that excited. You just got tricked about something you just ate. You didn't just hit a game winning home run or roll doubles in Monopoly. If that is a real person as they claim, and not an actor, then I declare him to be an idiot.

Sadly, this advertising has been copied. Here is one from Pizza Hut:



Again, the people are excited after being tricked about what they just ate. I'm not buying this as not being staged. Somebody is eating Mac & Cheese with bacon and calling it "decadent"? Well, it is Premium Mac & Cheese(typed with sarcasm). Here is my beef with both of these commercials: You would never be this happy about having eaten something under false pretenses.

I remember in Ecuador one time I was eating what I thought was arroz con pollo (chicken and rice) and thinking to myself that the chicken was really rubbery. After I had finished, the people who provided the meal asked if I liked it. I said it was O.K. to spare their feelings. It was after that when they revealed that I had just eaten octopus. I did not start pumping my fist in the air or clapping or get all excited about the trick. It was a good thing that I am not allergic to octopus. It is only about a month until my poor people T.V. will stop working. Maybe I will save myself from these commercials and not buy a converter box.

Since I am talking about commercials that bother me, here is one of my least favorite commercials of all-time (as a side-note, IKEA is also on my boycott list). I thought it had been put to rest at the end of 2007, but it has sprouted back up. I know that Sara loves it when this comes on, solely for the pain it causes me. So, enjoy:

For Sam (My Cousin)

I know you were around on Saturday, but I think you started watching the game after this happened. I know how disappointed you would be if you didn't get to see this. So, enjoy.

Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! No need to thank me.