Dearest Jedidiah,
I was quite pleased to see that you had started your own blog. I look forward to more posts. It looks like you may be in a little rut. I know that I have been an inspiration to you for years, so I am here to help. The other day I was going through some music and wanted to make a Depeche Mode CD with the best of their songs. I consider you to be someone who knows a lot about Depeche Mode. Please let me know what songs you would put on one CD (around 80 minutes) to highlight the best of Depeche Mode.
Yours Truly,
Mr. Mustachio
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I'm Tired of Being Resolute
It has been a while since my last post. It isn't that I haven't wanted to, but I have been quite busy. As with most people who think that we get a "do-over" at the beginning of each year, I had set some New Year's resolutions. I decided to aim high this year, and it has been exhausting. Honestly, it seems like my results are going to be an epic fail. I have noticed that other people share their resolutions in order to either brag, create a fake persona, or gain some encouragement in achieving their goals. I figure that there are quite a few people on the internets, so why not share my resolutions in an effort to gain support from the masses. On that note, I present my 2010 resolutions:
1. Locate and capture Osama Bin Laden. Force him to legally change his name to Crazy Idiot and then release him back to his people. We'll see how long they continue to take orders from Crazy Idiot. Could you imagine how far this conversation would have gone:"Crazy Idiot said he wants you to light your crotch on fire to blow up a plane"?
2. Become a professional eating champion. Enter as many eating competitions as possible for the first six months. Get sponsored by Fatburger. Gain 450 pounds. Go on the Biggest Loser. In the first episode say, "I don't know how I got to be this big" and start crying. Get voted off of the ranch in the second episode only having lost 15 pounds. Because I cried and America loved me, have Subway offer me an endorsement deal and $1,000 for each pound lost by the end of next season. Lose 435 pounds.
3. Convince the fashion community to market wrinkled pajamas and bedhead as the newest craze in business attire. Use the extra time saved in getting ready for work each morning to take on-line modeling classes and become a wrinkled pajamas and bedhead supermodel. Create slippers to accessorize the new look and make Gucci kinds of money.
4. Invent a machine that can convert kinetic energy from earthquake activity into power. Sell it to the state of California in exchange for being the new governor and future lifetime president, if California ever becomes it's own country. As my first order of business as governor, attach the machine to the San Andreas Fault and solve the state's debt problem. Sell the excess power to other states. Make enough money to form our own country. As my first order of business as president, change the country's name to New Mustachioland(California). Second order of business, ban all KFC's, Carl's Jr.'s, and Denny's from the state. Declare the following: Tommy's as the national food, rafflesia as the national flower, middle phalanx as national bird, California Love as the national song, skateboarding as national pastime, and "Pull my finger dude." as the national slogan. Declare war against New Mexico. Win. Give it back to old Mexico. Put a new football team in L.A. Force them to play just like I do in video games (no kicking). Win the Superbowl, due to all the rest of the NFL conceeding the championship. Appoint Ross Perot as new President. Retire from politics.
5. Hit Zack de la Rocha in the face with a machine, thusly causing his rage towards machines to increase and reuniting with his band. Get a mention on their cd sleeve and receive the Grammy received on their new album as a token of appreciation.
6. Invest in Coca Cola stock. Convince NBC that Max Headroom would be a rational replacement for Conan O'brien. Reap the financial and personal entertainment rewards.
7. Find scientists willing to dedicate all of their time to the development of miniature giraffes. Name them Mini-G's. Raise them on a mini-g farm. Give them to others as gifts. Become known as the guy who gives miniature giraffes at weddings, birthdays, and graduations.
8. Drink an I.B.C. rootbeer at least once a month.
Those are my resolutions, and surprisingly I haven't quite accomplished all of them yet. However, it is only half-way through January so there is still a little bit of time. A couple of them seem to be pretty difficult, but I figure that they are very well thought out and I have always been encouraged to shoot for the stars. Now that I have shared my resolutions with you, feel free to encourage me to achieve them and ask about my progress. I'll let you know when I accomplish them as the year goes by. Good luck to anyone else who is trying some resolutions of their own.
1. Locate and capture Osama Bin Laden. Force him to legally change his name to Crazy Idiot and then release him back to his people. We'll see how long they continue to take orders from Crazy Idiot. Could you imagine how far this conversation would have gone:"Crazy Idiot said he wants you to light your crotch on fire to blow up a plane"?
2. Become a professional eating champion. Enter as many eating competitions as possible for the first six months. Get sponsored by Fatburger. Gain 450 pounds. Go on the Biggest Loser. In the first episode say, "I don't know how I got to be this big" and start crying. Get voted off of the ranch in the second episode only having lost 15 pounds. Because I cried and America loved me, have Subway offer me an endorsement deal and $1,000 for each pound lost by the end of next season. Lose 435 pounds.
3. Convince the fashion community to market wrinkled pajamas and bedhead as the newest craze in business attire. Use the extra time saved in getting ready for work each morning to take on-line modeling classes and become a wrinkled pajamas and bedhead supermodel. Create slippers to accessorize the new look and make Gucci kinds of money.
4. Invent a machine that can convert kinetic energy from earthquake activity into power. Sell it to the state of California in exchange for being the new governor and future lifetime president, if California ever becomes it's own country. As my first order of business as governor, attach the machine to the San Andreas Fault and solve the state's debt problem. Sell the excess power to other states. Make enough money to form our own country. As my first order of business as president, change the country's name to New Mustachioland(California). Second order of business, ban all KFC's, Carl's Jr.'s, and Denny's from the state. Declare the following: Tommy's as the national food, rafflesia as the national flower, middle phalanx as national bird, California Love as the national song, skateboarding as national pastime, and "Pull my finger dude." as the national slogan. Declare war against New Mexico. Win. Give it back to old Mexico. Put a new football team in L.A. Force them to play just like I do in video games (no kicking). Win the Superbowl, due to all the rest of the NFL conceeding the championship. Appoint Ross Perot as new President. Retire from politics.
5. Hit Zack de la Rocha in the face with a machine, thusly causing his rage towards machines to increase and reuniting with his band. Get a mention on their cd sleeve and receive the Grammy received on their new album as a token of appreciation.
6. Invest in Coca Cola stock. Convince NBC that Max Headroom would be a rational replacement for Conan O'brien. Reap the financial and personal entertainment rewards.
7. Find scientists willing to dedicate all of their time to the development of miniature giraffes. Name them Mini-G's. Raise them on a mini-g farm. Give them to others as gifts. Become known as the guy who gives miniature giraffes at weddings, birthdays, and graduations.
8. Drink an I.B.C. rootbeer at least once a month.
Those are my resolutions, and surprisingly I haven't quite accomplished all of them yet. However, it is only half-way through January so there is still a little bit of time. A couple of them seem to be pretty difficult, but I figure that they are very well thought out and I have always been encouraged to shoot for the stars. Now that I have shared my resolutions with you, feel free to encourage me to achieve them and ask about my progress. I'll let you know when I accomplish them as the year goes by. Good luck to anyone else who is trying some resolutions of their own.
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